“Hello Stranger!”
I turned to see a familiar face, and embraced my friend with a hug. We had not seen each other in two years.
I had returned to Lincolnshire, where I lived for a few years, prior to moving to New Zealand, and during my weekend trip I got to hang out with those I was once very close to.
However …
I kept reflecting on that phrase “Hello Stranger!” It was a phrase that I have been hearing a lot, and each time I hear it, it saddens me somewhat. I no longer want to be a stranger.
I want to be a friend. A good friend. A sister, a daughter, and a constant in people’s lives. Not someone that comes and goes every few months, packing up my life and always moving on.
Since my return to the UK 7 months ago, I have lived in 4 different homes in 3 towns/cities, and worked in two different jobs. It has been a full on and unsettling return to the country I used to call home. Except, that it hasn’t felt like home.
What has tended to happen is, I move to a new area, start a new job, then move on. Such is the life of a Locum Worker (Definition: A locum is a person who temporarily fulfills the duties of another).
I never stay long enough to make connections with people, or feel that I belong, but I desperately want to.
Shortly, it will have been one year since I left New Zealand, to travel around South East Asia. I miss New Zealand everyday. I miss my adopted Whanau, I miss certain places, and the things I used to do, and places I’d frequent.
Although I can often transport myself back there through photos and videos. It still saddens me to know that it isn’t a place I can easily visit in a weekend, or even a week off.
Although I’d love to return, I know it won’t be the same. I wouldn’t be living in my lovely old sunny flat, with great flatmates. I wouldn’t be working with the same group of lovely people, in the same job, heck I wouldn’t even have a job (sometimes I do wonder why I left)
I know the people I had built up relationships with, will have changed. People move on, it is a fact of life, and unless you really try to make it work and stick around in one place, these relationships will be tricky to maintain.
All of this has made me realise, that I now need some stability in my life. I want a home. A proper home, in a city or town that will become an actual home to me, not one that I move away from every two or three months. I want to develop some good solid friendships, and set down some roots.
It is hard though. Every time I see a flight, or pass by an airport – I want to pack my bags and jet off.
I am always thinking of somewhere else, or the next big thing, and I guess I feel that if I ‘settle’, I won’t get to travel, which of course is not true.
I think travel has ruined me in some ways. They say home is where the heart is, but at the moment, my heart is in many places.
One day, I will find out where I need to be.
Fantastic post Abbi – this really resonated with me. I feel like we’re more and more similar the more I read (especially after reading your AMAZING comment on my Is ‘Career’ a Dirty Word?’ post – which I will be replying to soon btw!).
I completely agree and relate to everything you’ve written here. I fell in love with New Zealand and Australia when I travelled solo a few years back. It was magical. I met some of the best people and lived a life on a cattle station, a million miles away from my life at ‘home’. But I came back because I felt like I needed a base, I needed to get a job so that when people asked “What do you do?” I had something more interesting to say than… “errrm… I’m not really sure yet.”
‘Travel has ruined me’ is a really interesting take on things. It’s true that a deep routed love of travel will make it harder for us to be content staying in one place. But isn’t it better to have a heart that is everywhere and alive with experience and adventure than a heart that is stuck in a rut and lacking in passion? I’d say so :).
I’d say… go wherever your heart takes you and one day you’ll wind up where you’re supposed to be. When that happens, your heart will settle. It will still be full of adventure and memories but it will know where home is. 🙂
Gabby @ theglobewanderers.com recently posted…Wild Camping and Hiking in the Brecon Beacons
Hi Gabby,
Thanks so much for your lovely comment. I have been reading more of your content and we do seem quite similar. I’ll have to meet up for a drink one day and share more stories.
Interesting your throught process on “I’ll have something more interesting to say, other than I’m not really sure yet ..” though this fits with your post on is ‘career’ a dirty word. Just because you aren’t on a career path, doesn’t make you any less interesting, or make you sound like a bum or uninteresting. Its not like you are living off the state, thinking the World owes you everything. You’ve seen the World and have a desire to continue to do so, and if you want to do that long term, then go for it.
At the moment, I am fairly happy with my decision to move to Sussex and see what I think of the regular 9-5 work, with the occasional long weekend and 1-2 week holiday per year. Though, I have to say, this past week of trying to sort out car finance etc has been a mission. Problems on the road have felt easier than problems I have been dealing with ‘in the real World’.
Abbi 🙂
Abbi recently posted…Visiting historic Haddon Hall, Bakewell, Derbyshire
Hi Jonny,
Thanks for your response. I am glad there are others out there, that have gone through the same thing. When you travel, you just want to travel some more, but my sister always says to me – “what if you go everywhere you want to go to … then what, what are you left with?”
England used to feel like home, when I lived here for 5 years, but now everyone I know is dotted all over the country, and there is no one city or place I feel overly connected to. I just tend to go back to places I once lived, meet some old friends and reminisce.
You’re right about the ‘if money was no object thing’, but I think it is time for me to stay put, and travel part time, rather than take huge stints off at a time, and there may be an opportunity for me to do that quite soon, but I have a lot of thinking to do.
Glad you’re back in HK and loving it – you’ve been there on and off for a while – does it feel like home to you?
Abbi
Abbi recently posted…Climbing to the top of Monument, London
I like to believe we all go through these types of feelings Abbi. Similarly to you in the last 12 years I have had various “homes” yet never stayed long enough to maintain the same groups of friends. People do move on – my friends in Northern Ireland are mostly married with kids. I used to know their birthdays and phone numbers off by heart. Now, I struggle to remember their kids names or even what part of Belfast they live in. Social media definitely helps with this, the odd Facebook message to your best friends is as good as it gets sadly and it’s better to do that than nothing. I’m in Hong Kong now and I love it. But I’m sitting with two travel books thinking where should I go next. You’ll find your way in life for sure. Sporadic travel like you and I do incites no roots. I guess if money was no object we’d all buy a house outright somewhere and then travel as much as we wanted to away from work. Which remains the dream and don’t lose sight of it.
Jonny Blair recently posted…Backpacking in Kuwait: Walking Around Salmiya District